Funny / Satire
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Smilingreen
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Looks like O'l Nancy is stroki'n out today after the SCOTUS decision.....How many millions is the California Plastic Surgeon gonna charge her to fix that ass sitting on her shoulders this time??
sebastiantombs
Known around here
Smilingreen
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Why would you call 911 over that? That's like calling 911 cause you got your dick stuck in the vacuum cleaner.....both are stupid and self induced, but not life threatening.......
Don‘t get me going……..
I was on our local Fire Department, and I thought things were bad.
My wife was a ER nurse up until about a year ago……..
I’ll never forget the story my wife came home with years ago when she was doing OB….
A girl who just delivered wanted her tongue ring back so her hole didn’t close up. So my wife handed her what she thought was her tongue stud. The girl put it in her mouth and says “nope, this isn’t my tongue ring, and I’m to soar to put this where it belongs.”
A girl who just delivered wanted her tongue ring back so her hole didn’t close up. So my wife handed her what she thought was her tongue stud. The girl put it in her mouth and says “nope, this isn’t my tongue ring, and I’m to soar to put this where it belongs.”
sebastiantombs
Known around here
A Travel Agent looked up from his desk to see an old lady and an old gentleman peering in the shop window at the many posters showing the glamorous destinations around the world. The agent had been having a pretty good week and the dejected couple looking in the window gave him a rare feeling of generosity. He called them into his shop.
“I know that on your pensions you could never hope to have a holiday like these, so I am sending you off to a fabulous resort at my expense, and I won’t take no for an answer.”
He took them inside and asked his secretary to write two flight tickets and book a room in a five-star hotel.
Then, as can be expected, they gladly accepted, and were off!
About a month later the little old lady came into his shop.
“And how did you like your holiday?” he asked eagerly.
“The flight was exciting and the room was lovely,” she said.
“I’ve come to thank you, but one thing puzzled me,” she said.
“Who was that old bugger I had to share the room with?”
“I know that on your pensions you could never hope to have a holiday like these, so I am sending you off to a fabulous resort at my expense, and I won’t take no for an answer.”
He took them inside and asked his secretary to write two flight tickets and book a room in a five-star hotel.
Then, as can be expected, they gladly accepted, and were off!
About a month later the little old lady came into his shop.
“And how did you like your holiday?” he asked eagerly.
“The flight was exciting and the room was lovely,” she said.
“I’ve come to thank you, but one thing puzzled me,” she said.
“Who was that old bugger I had to share the room with?”
A little old lady went into the Bank of Canada one day, carrying a bag of money. She insisted that she must speak with the president of the bank to open a savings account because, “It’s a lot of money!” After much hemming and hawing, the bank staff finally ushered her into the president’s office (the customer is always right!)
The bank president then asked her how much she would like to deposit. She replied, “$165,000!” and dumped the cash out of her bag onto his desk. The president was of course curious as to how she came by all this cash, so he asked her, “Ma’am, I’m surprised you’re carrying so much cash around. “Where did you get this money?”
The old lady replied, “I make bets.” The president then asked, “Bets? What kind of bets?”
The old woman said, “Well, for example, I’ll bet you $25,000 that your balls are square.”
“Ha!” laughed the president, “That’s a stupid bet. You can never win that kind of bet!”
The old lady challenged, “So, would you like to take my bet?” “Sure,” said the president, I’ll bet $25,000 that my balls are not square!”
The little old lady then said, “Okay, but since there is a lot of money involved, may I bring my lawyer with me tomorrow at 10:00 AM as a witness?”
“Sure!” replied the confident president.
That night, the president got very nervous about the bet and spent a long time in front of a mirror checking his balls, turning from side to side, again and again. He thoroughly checked them out until he was sure there was absolutely no way his balls were square and that he would win the bet.
The next morning, at precisely 10:00 am, the little old lady appeared with her lawyer at the president’s office. She introduced the lawyer to the president and repeated the bet: “$25,000 says the president’s balls are square!” The president agreed with the bet again and the old lady asked him to drop his pants so they could all see. The president did. The little old lady peered closely at his balls and then asked if she could feel them.
“Well, Okay,” said the president, “$25,000 is a lot of money, so I guess you should be absolutely sure.”
Just then, he noticed that the lawyer was quietly banging his head against the wall. The President asked the old lady, “What the hell’s the matter with your lawyer?”
She replied, “Nothing, except I bet him $100,000 that at 10:00 AM today, I’d have The Bank of Canada’s president’s balls in my hand.”
The bank president then asked her how much she would like to deposit. She replied, “$165,000!” and dumped the cash out of her bag onto his desk. The president was of course curious as to how she came by all this cash, so he asked her, “Ma’am, I’m surprised you’re carrying so much cash around. “Where did you get this money?”
The old lady replied, “I make bets.” The president then asked, “Bets? What kind of bets?”
The old woman said, “Well, for example, I’ll bet you $25,000 that your balls are square.”
“Ha!” laughed the president, “That’s a stupid bet. You can never win that kind of bet!”
The old lady challenged, “So, would you like to take my bet?” “Sure,” said the president, I’ll bet $25,000 that my balls are not square!”
The little old lady then said, “Okay, but since there is a lot of money involved, may I bring my lawyer with me tomorrow at 10:00 AM as a witness?”
“Sure!” replied the confident president.
That night, the president got very nervous about the bet and spent a long time in front of a mirror checking his balls, turning from side to side, again and again. He thoroughly checked them out until he was sure there was absolutely no way his balls were square and that he would win the bet.
The next morning, at precisely 10:00 am, the little old lady appeared with her lawyer at the president’s office. She introduced the lawyer to the president and repeated the bet: “$25,000 says the president’s balls are square!” The president agreed with the bet again and the old lady asked him to drop his pants so they could all see. The president did. The little old lady peered closely at his balls and then asked if she could feel them.
“Well, Okay,” said the president, “$25,000 is a lot of money, so I guess you should be absolutely sure.”
Just then, he noticed that the lawyer was quietly banging his head against the wall. The President asked the old lady, “What the hell’s the matter with your lawyer?”
She replied, “Nothing, except I bet him $100,000 that at 10:00 AM today, I’d have The Bank of Canada’s president’s balls in my hand.”
