My friend has a stalker: Short and long term solutions?

[Ri22o]

I have a lady friend who has recently acquired a stalker. She was using his family to clean her house and he has done and said some things to make her uncomfortable. She has communicated that she does not want him to contact her or come to her house any more after he showed up to her house Wednesday evening with flowers and chocolate (after dismissing other things he has said to her). She saw him walking down the sidewalk past her house earlier today. She has recently installed a Ring doorbell for other reasons.

She is 5'0" and lives alone with her two kids.

Given how things can progress at this point, what is the play? Obviously a proper camera system would be better than Ring or Wyze, but I feel anything is better than nothing right now. She is willing to entertain the idea of a better system than Ring, but I would hate for her to spend $800 on Ring cameras just for short term protection/observation while this whole things is new.

I am more than willing to help her as much as possible, but don't have the big chunks of time available that would be required to get her an entire system in a weekend. And we all know these systems can take some time. However, I could always TeamView in at points to help with the setup and dialing in.


For reference, this is her house. It has vinyl siding and there is a street light on the corner nearest her.

 

[wittaj]

Calling @Holbs who has experience in this!

But since she knows who it is, as opposed to a complete stranger, the Ring or other cheap system as a temp solution should be adequate for the recognize component.

Obviously IDENTIFY is the goal for most of us, but sometimes RECOGNIZE is good enough. Especially right now.

If she is keen on having a system, as opposed to something right now to help her, then start off with one of the Lorex or Amcrest starter kits. Those cameras can always then be used to add to her system when she replaces them with better cameras. But of course this means wiring and what not.

 

[OICU2]

Maybe alert the authorities? Get a restraining order if local laws permit?

 

[Ri22o]

Calling @Holbs who has experience in this!

But since she knows who it is, as opposed to a complete stranger, the Ring or other cheap system as a temp solution should be adequate for the recognize component.

Obviously IDENTIFY is the goal for most of us, but sometimes RECOGNIZE is good enough. Especially right now.

If she is keen on having a system, as opposed to something right now to help her, then start off with one of the Lorex or Amcrest starter kits. Those cameras can always then be used to add to her system when she replaces them with better cameras. But of course this means wiring and what not.

She sent me a zoomed capture from her Ring doorbell earlier and agreed that he looked worse than Big Foot.

She has expressed some other concerns in regards to home security recently, so she may be on board for a proper system. I am going to try to meet with her this weekend and see how committed she wants to be. I told her one down side to this path is everything is wired, which means you need to be able to get from A to B.

And I read through all of what @Holbs had going on, haha.

 

[Ri22o]

Maybe alert the authorities? Get a restraining order if local laws permit?

Already done and they suggested a Protection Order. Obviously this is just a piece of paper and doesn't necessarily mean anything in the real world. But, if she does have one and has proof that he is at/around her house then she wants to be able to have usable footage/proof.

 

[looney2ns]

Get a police report filed. Document each and every occurrence.
Seek a restraining order. Sometimes they help, sometimes they don't.
I would suggest a good monitored alarm system if she doesn't have one. That would be first on the list.
She needs (as most females should) to take a self defense class.
Help her harden her entry doors.

 

[wittaj]

Just keep in mind digital zoomed capture of even great cameras can result in poor performance.

The question is how much could the person be recognized based on his walk, size, etc. when not digital zoomed? And would it be enough for the police/court to agree it is him?

Not that I am advocating for Ring LOL as a proper system is the best system, but sometimes circumstances forces you to go with a less than ideal situation until you can get things properly setup. Better to get something quick up that may scare him away. The battery operated Rings and Arlos can talk to let them know they are being recorded. If he has any sense maybe that will keep him away (but probably not if he is a psycho).

Many here do have a another cloud based camera or doorbell camera as a secondary redundant feature in the event their system craps out they still have something.

 

[Ri22o]

Get a police report filed. Document each and every occurrence.
Seek a restraining order. Sometimes they help, sometimes they don't.
I would suggest a good monitored alarm system if she doesn't have one. That would be first on the list.
She needs (as most females should) to take a self defense class.
Help her harden her entry doors.

Done. They came out after she saw him today.
She will be working on the Protection Order.
She has SimpliSafe, but I will make sure it is monitored.
I will recommend the defense course.
I already had her check all of her windows to make sure they were locked since he had been in her house cleaning, but will look into the hardware and screws on her doors and do what I can. Doing a quick sat view of her house, it doesn't look like there are very many windows on the first floor.

Just keep in mind digital zoomed capture of even great cameras can result in poor performance.

The question is how much could the person be recognized based on his walk, size, etc. when not digital zoomed? And would it be enough for the police/court to agree it is him?

Not that I am advocating for Ring LOL as a proper system is the best system, but sometimes circumstances forces you to go with a less than ideal situation until you can get things properly setup. Better to get something quick up that may scare him away. The battery operated Rings and Arlos can talk to let them know they are being recorded. If he has any sense maybe that will keep him away (but probably not if he is a psycho).

Many here do have a another cloud based camera or doorbell camera as a secondary redundant feature in the event their system craps out they still have something.

Oh, I agree, but I only saw the zoomed still. She clearly knew it was him, but I don't know what gave him away.

I plan to talk to her this weekend and will give her some options for now and long term. I think she would be up for a couple quick Ring cams and then adding a system. The Rings could be moved to harder to get to areas until wire can be ran.

 

[wittaj]

If she hasn't already, she should change every lock and confirm every window lock works. Even 2nd story. Psycho could come back with a ladder.

Sounds like you will confirm hardware and screws are fine.

I would even go around at night with a cell phone camera inside and see if he planted any cameras with infrared.

 

[OICU2]

....I would even go around at night with a cell phone camera inside and see if he planted any cameras with infrared.

Do you know which phones can see IR?

 

[wittaj]

You need to keep the camera in color and it will help make the red glow we see pop out. The camera itself doesn't actually see the IR and most of the covert cams IR is too weak to see with the eye unless you are right up on it.

 

[Flintstone61]

He's probably got bodies buried somewhere already.
When they don't take no for an answer, reprisal can be forthcoming.
once it escalates their response could be more menacing.
She's in danger.
these motherfuckers are " like Over my dead body" If I cant have you nobody can"
mental health situation
Don't fuck around

 

[Ri22o]

He's probably got bodies buried somewhere already.
When they don't take no for an answer, reprisal can be forthcoming.
once it escalates their response could be more menacing.
She's in danger.
these motherfuckers are " like Over my dead body" If I cant have you nobody can"
mental health situation
Don't fuck around

I agree, but unfortunately there is only so much I can do to help in short order.

 

[garycrist]

Would a Game Camera w/ cellular connect work?

 

[Sybertiger]

I just started watching this on Netflix.

People more and more are feeling empowered to do evil things. I pray that she is very, very careful.

 

[Holbs]

Sorry folks...being bossman has really sucked up my time away from IPCT

Protection order. Yes, it is initially a piece of paper. But understand, it's a tool. Once posted, a protection order gives more power to you and the police to do something. As in...2 years in jail, fines, etc. Without a protection order, the police can legally do NOTHING at all to someone walking down a PUBLIC sidewalk or PUBLIC road other than "talk" to the person for which the person can just turn his/her back without any legal requirement to answer any questions and walk away. A protection order is just a piece of paper and will not stop a bullet or knife, nor was it meant to. Still have to be on your tiptoes about physical confrontations.

House defense ideas:
1.) definately bolster up the entry doors with something very simple: re-enforced striking plates with 4" heavy duty screws. You would be amazed how even a 12 yr old can kick a front door in with the dinky tin metal striking plate and 3/4" brass screws. It's super cheap and effective. A wonderful return on investment for security.
2.) if there is a garage door in play, ensure that little manual rope handle is removed or tie wrapped up securely. Very very easy to slightly bulge top of garage door inwards enough to fish/reach in and snag that rope handle and pop it with a coat hangar.
3.) change out the low dim low wattage outdoor lighting sconce light bulbs with a higher lumen bulb. Lighting at night is your friend for facial identification.
4.) ensure the neighborhood gets involved. sure, might be a little embarrassing asking people around for help but we are talking safety, especially with children involved. I would keep the neighbors included in what's going on. Hopefully, a person nearby has a camera system that can help (if super lucky, a home decked out with 20+ Dahua cameras and Blue Iris!).
5.) sadly, I would even get the children involved. Are they old enough to have smartphones? Ensure they have emergency contact info in their address book...and even hot dialing (one simple touch) to neighbor or close friend. Would hate to have perp come crashing through front door and tangle with mom while the kids could do nothing.
6.) I would say get a DSC home alarm system installed because you can order it today and get it in 2 days to quickly install door/window sensors. This system is one of the favorite DIY alarm systems. Can run the wire exposed for time being until one day can revisit to hide in walls or cable surface mount sticks. Granted, someone would have to program the system and configure it. But asking a local company to come onsite and install one could take weeks. You mentioned SimpliSafe. No experience with them myself. It's better than nothing.
7.) you read my semi-blog and how far down the rabbit hole I went. Hopefully, gave you some ideas.
8.) simple objects by front door: mace, taser, bat. Have to be ready if perp comes knocking on door.

I could list 57 other things you can do. But the 1-5 is something you can tell her to do today.

Keep in mind the mental state. If she is truly terrified, give her tools. It's the fear of being totally helpless. Some of the things mentioned above and things I mentioned will give her a "sense" of at least doing something.

 

[Sybertiger]

6.) I would say get a DSC home alarm system installed because you can order it today and get it in 2 days to quickly install door/window sensors. This system is one of the favorite DIY alarm systems. Can run the wire exposed for time being until one day can revisit to hide in walls or cable surface mount sticks. Granted, someone would have to program the system and configure it. But asking a local company to come onsite and install one could take weeks. You mentioned SimpliSafe. No experience with them myself. It's better

Very good suggestions to the OP. And, thanks for the reminder....it's only been on my mind for 3+ years to upgrade my DSC security system. I've got a PC 2550 system circa 1992 so 30 years old but I feel like I really need to upgrade to include ethernet.

 

[garycrist]

I have already lived that story. The S.O.B. even had the keys to the house! We were a young couple back then.
We would come home and noticed things were different. My wife one day asked why I was into her underwear
drawer and messing with stuff! Ding, ding, ding, we have a problem!

This bastard would be in our house for hours at a time. So, time to see if our imagination was real. The front door had a chain
as well as the stupid lock but the side door, only the standard door knob and dead bolt. Time to set the trap.
I did the old James Bond trick ,of licking a blonde hair strand (I had plenty back then) and placing it across the door jamb.
Out to dinner we went.

Upon arriving home the hair was disturbed and we knew he was in! I called the cops (locals) from a pay phone and headed to my father in law to retrieve
a S&W .357 Highway Patrolman with a barrel about 1 foot long! We got home just as the cops (locals) were about to leave (they had only beat us by 2 minutes)
and had declared it ok. At that time cops from a different city arrived (OKCPD) and told the other cops to listen to me.

Eyes lit up when I bailed out of the car with my firearm at the ready pointing at the door! I yelled to Larry ((the perp) to come out or I would send in
dogs! You ought to have seen those 1st. bunch of cops crap their pants when the bastard came out!
My cops (OKCPD) took him away to Oklahoma City Jail and all I can say is Nichols Hills PD to K.M.A.

STAY ARMED

 

[Holbs]

Very good suggestions to the OP. And, thanks for the reminder....it's only been on my mind for 3+ years to upgrade my DSC security system. I've got a PC 2550 system circa 1992 so 30 years old but I feel like I really need to upgrade to include ethernet.

do the NIC card (Envysion?) and get Home Assistant. Feel Da Power!

 

[Sybertiger]

do the NIC card (Envysion?) and get Home Assistant. Feel Da Power!

This whatchamabang?

Envisalink

Instructions on how to integrate a DSC/Honeywell alarm panel with Home Assistant using an envisalink evl3/evl4 board.

www.home-assistant.io