Funny / Satire

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A guy is walking to the bus stop next to a driving range picking up out of bound balls putting them in a plastic bag. The bag broke and he put them all in his front pants pockets. He gets on the bus and the lady across from him keeps staring at his bulging pockets.

He explains, "Its golf balls".

She keeps staring and finally asks, "Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?"
 

Hiflyer

Getting the hang of it
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Linguistic Lesson
No English dictionary has been able to adequately explain the
difference between these two words. In a recent linguistic
competition held in London and attended by, supposedly, the
best in the world, Samdar Balgobin, a Guyanese man, was the
clear winner with a standing ovation which lasted over 5 minutes.
The final question was:
How do you explain the difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED
in a way that is easy to understand? Some people say there is NO
difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED.
Here is his astute answer:

"When you marry the right woman, you are COMPLETE.
When you marry the wrong woman, you are FINISHED,
and when the right one catches you with the wrong one,
you are COMPLETELY FINISHED!!!

He won a trip around the world and a case of 25 year old Scotch!
 
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When a group of tourists visited a crocodile farm, the owner of the place launched a daring proposal:

-Whoever dares to jump, swim to shore and survive, I will give 1 million dollars.

Nobody dared to move, suddenly a man jumped into the water and desperately swam towards the shore while he was chased by all the crocodiles.
With great luck he arrived, taking the admiration of everyone in the place, then the owner announced:

-We have a brave winner.
After collecting their reward, the couple returned to the hotel, upon arrival, the manager told him; he was very brave to jump, then the man said:

-I didn't jump, someone pushed me!

His wife smiled ...

Moral: "Behind every successful man, there is a woman who pushes him."
 
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