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New Senate Anti-Murder Bill Caps Murders At 5,000 Per Day
WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a landmark compromise between Democrats and Republicans, the Senate is set to vote on a new anti-murder bill that will limit the allowed murders to only 5,000 per day.babylonbee.com
Some conservatives in Congress have challenged the language in the bill, suggesting that zero murders would be a preferable number. "I dunno, do we have to have murder at all?" said a confused Ted Cruz. "Like, murder is bad and stuff. Maybe zero would be a better number than 5,000." Cruz was quickly condemned by every journalist on the hit show Morning Joe as a shameful partisan.