A confused old man was found abandoned in a stadium after a Washington Oval-Shaped Ball game. Next to him was an opened pack of generic Wal-Mart adult diapers.
He was found babbling "Who am I? What am I doing here? What's a five-sided shape called? Corn Pop! Corn Pop! Trunalimunumaprzure!" Quickly, he was identified as Joe Biden, whom sources say is currently employed as President.
"Being a public figure, it was easier to figure out who he was and who had done this to him," stadium security officer Ben Gropen told our reporter, as she batted his hands away repeatedly. "Most grandpa-dumping happens with unknown people. We caught a lucky break."
Thirty minutes later, Kamala Harris was arrested while attempting to take the oath of office. Supreme Court Justice John Roberts said she threatened to cancel him if he didn't swear her in.
When his wife, Jill Biden, was asked if she was willing to take custody of him, she proudly announced "Si se puadray!"