Funny / Satire
- Thread starter Ssayer
- Start date
GOVERNMENT EXPLAINED
Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown in the economy, the Government has decided to implement a scheme
to put workers of 50 years of age and above on early, mandatory retirement, thus creating jobs and reducing unemployment.
This scheme will be known as
RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).
Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to the Government to be considered for the
SHAFT program (Special Help After Forced Termination).
Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the
SCREW program (System Covering Retired-Early Workers).
A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED
as many times as the Government deems appropriate.
Persons who have been RAPED could get
AIDS (Additional Income for Dependents & Spouse) or
HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance).
Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by the Government.
Persons who do not qualified for the RAPED program and stay employed are still qualified to receive the benefits of
the SHIT program (Special High Intensity Training).
The Government has always prided its self on the amount of SHIT it gives our citizens.
Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please
bring this to the attention of your Congressional Representative, who has been trained to give you all the SHIT you can handle.
Sincerely,
The Committee for Economic Value of Individual Lives (E.V.I.L.)
Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown in the economy, the Government has decided to implement a scheme
to put workers of 50 years of age and above on early, mandatory retirement, thus creating jobs and reducing unemployment.
This scheme will be known as
RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).
Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to the Government to be considered for the
SHAFT program (Special Help After Forced Termination).
Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the
SCREW program (System Covering Retired-Early Workers).
A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED
as many times as the Government deems appropriate.
Persons who have been RAPED could get
AIDS (Additional Income for Dependents & Spouse) or
HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance).
Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by the Government.
Persons who do not qualified for the RAPED program and stay employed are still qualified to receive the benefits of
the SHIT program (Special High Intensity Training).
The Government has always prided its self on the amount of SHIT it gives our citizens.
Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please
bring this to the attention of your Congressional Representative, who has been trained to give you all the SHIT you can handle.
Sincerely,
The Committee for Economic Value of Individual Lives (E.V.I.L.)
This truck found its way in front of me this morning and I found the company name a tad humorous...
Some guys were playing Golf one day and after a "few" lost track of the hole they were playing.
One guy to solve the problem, asked some women playing a hole ahead of them. She stated they
were on the 7th hole and they are behind them so you guys are on the 6th. hole.
This happened a couple more times with the guy apologizing with the suggestion he buy her drink
at the 19th hole. As they talked and got around to each other's job. She said she was a saleswoman
for a Tampax factory. He giggled when he said, "I am a salesman too. But, I sell toilet paper products.
So it looks like I am still a hole behind you"!
One guy to solve the problem, asked some women playing a hole ahead of them. She stated they
were on the 7th hole and they are behind them so you guys are on the 6th. hole.
This happened a couple more times with the guy apologizing with the suggestion he buy her drink
at the 19th hole. As they talked and got around to each other's job. She said she was a saleswoman
for a Tampax factory. He giggled when he said, "I am a salesman too. But, I sell toilet paper products.
So it looks like I am still a hole behind you"!
