Thanks all!
For anyone else that hits this thread I've cobbled together some instructions from other posts:
We finally fixed it (without needing to open the box thankfully):
-Use Hikvision SADP program to confirm that the NVR was on 192.0.0.64 after bad firmware update
-Install Python 2.7.14 (2.7 itself doesn't give the important option to add to PATH during install) from
-Use the "scottlamb / hikvision-tftpd" updated
TFTP program (needed when firmware is over 32MB as Hikvision one fails to send, just keeps looping) from
GitHub - scottlamb/hikvision-tftpd: Unbrick a Hikvision device (NVR or camera) via TFTP
-We are in Australia so we grabbed the firmware from the "en-au" part of the site NOT the global one (I would have gotten this first time
if the NVR actually bloody showed up when you typed in the name on the Aus/NZ section firmware search!)
DS-7608NI-I2/8P
-Unzip Scotts TFTP code to a c:\ subfolder of your choice e.g. c:\tftp
-Place the digicap.dav file itself in the same folder as Scott's program e.g. c:\tftp
-Edit the properties of your Ethernet adapter and set the IPv4 address to 192.0.0.128, subnet 255.255.255.0 and disable any other network cards (physical or virtual)
-Open a command prompt and navigate to the folder you saved Scott's program e.g. c:\tftp
-Power off NVR
-Run from command prompt:
python.exe hikvision_tftpd.py
-It will say "Serving xxxxxxx-byte digicap.dav (Block size...)" and sit there waiting
-Power on NVR and wait for it to update - it will reboot itself and bring up the factory defaulted login screen (connect an LCD to the NVR obviously)
We were close to buying another NVR. Much appreciated everyone.
Big screw you to Hikvision for not baking in compatible upgrade detection to their devices. Support said our only option now was to RMA the box! Laughable that their own TFTP tool cannot send the newer NVR firmware (>32MB), let alone that they don't even mention it exists when you contact support.